I love this quote – so accurate to the way in which children investigate, comprehend and assimilate the world they live in.

That’s why I’m so excited about the upcoming Block Extravaganza at The Parenting Place.  My mind has been very busy these days – “percolating” as I like to refer to it – about the preparations for this fun event.

I treasure the moments when I watch a child figuring things out – when she or he has forgotten about who’s watching or the need for someone to be watching and instead is working – in such a personally satisfying way. Then also there’s the  times when several children are building together – each one excited about their joint effort – learning to listen to each other, to problem solve, to share.

This is what can happen when children have the time and resources to build with blocks – to replicate their experiences, to rehearse new ones, to sort, build, imagine, connect and understand.

In today’s world where academic pressures are high on both children and parents to achieve, it is often these very fundamentals and simplicity that is overlooked, yet is actually the missing link, and the core on which to build.  Block construction play offers children (and adults) some of the highest play and learning value of any toy on the market.

Elizabeth S. Hirsch, editor of The Block Book wrote “The pleasure of blocks stems primarily from the esthetic experience. It involves the whole person – muscles and senses, intellect and emotion, individual growth and social interactions”.

Our Block Extravaganza will offer families this opportunity to enjoy this hands-on learning.  Block building stations will fill the room and, of course, in the true spirit of The Parenting Place’s fun nights – treats and a craft to extend the experience.  When you arrive, you’ll fill out your “building permits” and then the night is yours.

Parents come prepared to be on the floor with your children to play, notice and appreciate the hum of busy children working, hands-on.

“The brain discovers what the fingers explore.”

Absolutely!

The Block Extravaganza is scheduled for Thursday evening February 16th from 6:00 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.  Pre-registration is required.  Call now to make sure you reserve a spot.  For more info or to register, contact Fran at 784-8125.

“It makes me a nervous wreck” this parent shared with me.  “I’m so afraid someone will get hurt.  And besides, it seems as if I am condoning real fighting and aggression.”

Almost all children love to chase and wrestle.  You can pretty much count on getting children running, laughing and shrieking by announcing “You can’t catch me” – a challenge too good to resist.  However I can understand this mom’s concern and hesitation in allowing this kind of play.

But there is a definite difference between rough and tumble play and fighting and aggression.  When children are enjoying chasing, tugging, wrestling, they are laughing, shrieking, giggling.  They are having fun, they are freely participating, they are going back for more.  When children are being aggressive, they frown, hit, push and grab; there are tears, fear and signs of dominance.

Children benefit from being allowed to let loose in this playful way.  They grow  socially, emotionally and  physically.  While rough housing with a parent or another child, children learn to sense and interpret the give and take of social situations. They acquire skills in noticing and detecting signals from others.  They learn to read and understand other people’s body language, telling them when enough is enough.

Parents have wondered whether it’s okay for them to play rough and tumble with their children.  Actually this type of active, physical play often fulfills a vital need for touch – especially as children grow out of the baby/toddler stage.

Simple rules, however, should be commonly shared and enforced with children.

Kicking, choking is not allowed.

Use open hands for tagging, avoid contact with heads .

Be more aware of the youngest children playing.

Make sure the area where they are playing is safe for running and tumbling – outside, preferably.

Always have an adult nearby when children are playing, keeping an eye on things, ready to redirect and interpret if necessary.

Playing along with the children is an even better way to model appropriate responses and care.

So, now – be ready – the next time someone shouts “You’re it!”  to have some fun – playing together or  just appreciating the natural exuberance of children at play.

Laura’s mom is an animated, fast talker and in the midst of a somewhat convoluted story, she stopped herself and said, “or did I say that already?” to which little Miss Laura, considered not to be part of the conversation in any way, piped up and said, without so much as a turn of her head, “yes”.

What a perfect example of children’s big ears.

I remember so many occasions when my husband and I would be talking quietly together in the living room while our young son was upstairs in bed.  Always taking us by surprise,  a voice would suddenly float down from on high- an eight-year-old adding his personal input to the topic at hand.

Big ears.

Recently a mom was telling me about her young son who sat lost in concentration building his legoes.  A sad movie was on quietly in the background that she was not paying much attention to and believed her son was not either. Suddenly he got up and said he needed to go to the bathroom.  When he came back, he resumed his legoes briefly before bursting into tears and announcing his chest hurt.

It was as his mom comforted him that she realized his chest hurt him because he was so full of emotion for the girl in the movie – so affected by what he had heard.

Wow – big ears.

So … just a reminder – our children have “big ears” and they are paying attention and definitely listening to what’s going on around them.

What is your child hearing?

My husband and I have been enjoying finding where the rainbows appear.  Yesterday we found three of them at the same time.  Just walking through the room, you would miss them, as they’re small.  But stopping for a moment – to notice – is a joyful discovery.

I realized, in some small way, having this sparkling pendent really could light my year.  If every day I would pause and appreciate “finding the rainbow” in whatever form it takes in my daily life.

I heard from a parent recently who was searching for more in her life besides just being a mom.  With three busy children, under three, she felt she had lost her self.  I thought of her today and wondered if recognizing some of the moments in her day – some of the rainbows – would help her to appreciate the significance of her role as a mother.

Children under three are not convenient.  I remember that line written from a mom who was responding to a parenting forum I was reading, and I like it.  Because how true is that!

Webster defines convenient as easy to do, use or get to; causing little trouble or work.

So no, following Webster’s definition, children under three are definitely not convenient.  But there are plenty of little  rainbows dancing around if we stop to look for them – from sticky, chubby  hands to tear-stained eyes from an “ouchy”, out-stretched arms to their most important person, giggles, funny remarks, wobbly first steps, a hug around the neck, a snuggle in your lap, trust in their faces.

I hope as parents you will stop in your busy day, notice your rainbows, and marvel.  Children grow up faster than you think – and then many things will be convenient.

Celebrate the inconveniences now.  Look for the rainbows.

and never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

and auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We’ll take a cup o’kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

Did you sing Auld Lang Syne this year – or at least hear it played somewhere?  Did you watch and hear it sung at the end of “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  Being a very sentimental sort, Auld Lang Syne is one of those melodies and words that always brings tears to my eyes.

Auld Lang Syne is a very old Scottish song from the 17oo’s.  A good translation of the words “auld lang syne” is “times gone by”.  So when we sing this song, we’re really reflecting and remembering not only the people in our lives today but those times and people in our past.

I meet and get to know  so many parents and children over the years. When I hear and sing this song at the beginning of another new year, I believe much of the emotion I’m filled with is remembering so many of these families, that I hold in my heart,  from auld lang syne.

I wish all of you a very warm, happy and healthy New Year 2012 with thanks and much appreciation for sharing this part of my life which is the Parent Pulse blog.

But repeated they are – even as new ones are added to become part of this valuable oral family history.

For children and adults alike – this is a connecting bond.  It’s a sharing of family ties – stories warm, bold and ridiculously funny – that with each retelling strengthens the web of family lore.

So rather than sighing when great-uncle George starts off with  “‘remember when ….”, sit back, listen and feel the gift of the generations.

Enjoy the holidays with your family.

She told me that the cookies were from her Grandma Gage’s recipe.  The trick to frosting them was to put the frosting on the back side of the cookie.

Really?  Who ever heard of that? 

 I was still thinking of this new info as I baked away at home a few days ago.  So yes, I frosted my cookies this year on the other side and she was right.  It is the trick to make them look pretty perfect.

All of this made me start thinking (of course) and drawing a connection to parenting and relationships in general  Sometimes it only takes a slight adjustment – in our tone of voice, in our perspective, in our demands, in our communication and style to yield a much more positive result.

So much of what I truly believe about parenting success and satisfaction is this focus on relationship and connection. This social-emotional piece of parenting is now highly recognized, supported and promoted through research-based organizations, programs and curriculums.

Often when a parent is experiencing some behaviors with their child that are challenging, the first thing that comes to mind is what’s wrong with my child? How can I fix him?”  By simply looking instead at the other side, we can focus more on what the child’s needs are, his goal of misbehavior vs. just trying to stop the behavior with little success.

A mom I talked to recently told me the struggle she had with her two children when she got home from work in the evening.  Dad picks them up from daycare and so they are waiting at home eagerly for mom’s return.  Of course, this is transition time for mom – and she is not all that receptive for their immediate demands for attention.

This discordant scene was setting the whole tone of the evening off on a disagreeable note.

After discussing her needs and the children’s needs, she talked with the children to inform them that when she arrived home, she needed five minutes to change her clothes and use the bathroom – alone!  Then they would have time before dinner to sit on the floor, share, hug, read and connect together.

For connection was what the misbehavior was all about.

Looking at the other side – like frosting the other side of the cookie- a different solution that worked and worked well.

May you have many opportunities this holiday time to connect with each other – and think about the other side when something’s not working.

If you would like to explore “the other side” in a situation in your family, give me a call at The Parenting Place – 784-8125.

Parents have been asking me for my homemade play dough recipe. I believe play dough is a perfect, simple activity to take a break and do together with your children on a cold, wintry day.

  There’s nothing like kneading warm play dough to brighten the spirit and soothe the soul.  Here it is:

Homemade Play Dough Recipe

2 cups flour; 1 cup salt; 2 tbsp. vegetable oil; 2 tbsp. cream of tartar; 1.5 cups of boiling water; food coloring. 

Mix dry ingredients – flour, salt, cream of tartar.

Stir food coloring in water and add with oil to the dry ingredients.

Stir vigorously until all ingredients blended.

Take out and knead  until it stops being sticky.

Roll, punch, squeeze, create!

Are you receiving some holiday cards in the mail? 

 Instead of just quickly opening them and stashing them away in a basket, why not open one or two a night together as a family.  Read the card, pass it around, talk about the family and friends who sent it.  This is a simple activity that offers a sense of anticipation, togetherness and a strong connection to those who took the time to remember.

Turn down the lights and enjoy the quiet beauty of your decorated tree as a peaceful way to read a bedtime story. Many holiday books are available. Adding books that share how other families celebrate differently at this time of year helps in understanding other traditions. Sing a song or two before trundling off to bed.

  It’s fun to make the most of this decorated lighted treasure in our home while it’s there.  Some families plan a night for the whole family to sleep under its branches.  Now that sounds like a cozy adventure!

Don’t forget the simplicity of walking in the neighborhood to see the glowing lights and decorations.  There is something very special about being out on a dark December evening.

 Put the kids in their pajamas,  pull them in a wagon or, maybe soon, a sled for some cozy magic right near home. Delivering some handmade cards that the children have created to some of the homes adds another special dimension to this walk. 

To save time and frustration at this busy time of year, try and have low hooks for children to be able to reach and hang their own jackets and snowpants on, a bin for each  to put their hat and mittens in and a mat for their boots.  By having things accessible and manageable, we are fostering their confidence, feeling of competence and organizational skills that will become a habit.  (Not only of hanging them up, but of wearing them!)

The holiday- to-do list that you may be pouring over and have streaming through your consciousness should be reconsidered.  Go over it and make sure what is absolutely essential to do and then start eliminating those tasks that take too much time away from your family.

A co-worker sent out a quote the other day that is worth considering -

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”  Burton Hillis.

Hmmm.

I think I like that.

We hung pine cones with peanut butter, rolled in bird seed, slices of oranges and apples, a big cardboard, cut-out star, smothered with peanut butter, cranberries and popcorn, and marshmallows hung with colorful yarn.

Once our tree was adorned we walked further down the path to a picnic table for hot chocolate,  rice krispie bars and a story shared.  By then we all were feeling the chill, so we set off to explore - doing some running and follow-the- leader to warm us up – which we all agreed, worked.

Afterwards I felt glowing the rest of the day – brisk air and outdoor activity does that for you. 

 But something else resonated with me from our morning outing.  As we were finishing up our tree decorating, I noticed Laine, a little four-year-old girl reach in and pick up the last of the two ornaments. As she turned to run toward the tree, Oliver eagerly approached and saw that the basket of things to be hung was empty.

 I watched to see what would happen.  Laine stopped, looked at him, holding the two pinecones in her hands, considered for a moment, and then handed one of them to him as they both ran off to find a good hanging spot.

I guess that might be why I love activities we do together.  We worry a lot about teaching our children to share.  But it’s communal opportunities like this – where all are involved to accomplish a task – (in this case, offering and sharing food to our feathered friends and a few bushy squirrels, too, I bet,) that plants the seed that sharing is fun, easy and the right thing to do.

But there’s really good news.

As parents, we don’t have to do that.  In fact, when choosing a toy that will empower your child, less is more. 

The best toy is 10% toy and 90% child.  The simpler the toy, the more that will come from inside the child. 

 Toys have low value when they can only be used in one way.  They look appealing to children but quickly can become boring because they often only require a child to push a button and watch what happens.

So many of these toys perform for children instead of fostering exploration, problem solving, mastery, creativity and engagement, which are the foundation for future academic learning and success.

With a child-powered toy,  the script is a child’s own and unlimited; play is active, fresh every day, and evolves over time.

 So use this as a guide – when you are struggling with your toy-buying decisions or share it with relatives – make the majority of your toy choices be 90% child, 10% toy.

Then watch the benefits – the enjoyment of more elaborate, self-directed, extended play periods, while building new skills. 

Just call it the 90% advantage!

If you would like any help deciding what kinds of toys would benefit your child, feel free to give me a call at The Parenting Place – 784-8125 or e-mail me at franswift@theparentingplace.net.