The other day I was describing to my husband the way my new Tempur-pedic pillow felt. “It’s firm but giving, I said.
He laughed, saying that sounds like something you’d write in your blog.
Come to think of it, he’s right. Firm but giving is exactly the formula that helps our children feel loved and secure.
What does firm and giving actually mean though?
It doesn’t mean yelling, punishing, spanking, authoritarian or permissive behavior
It does mean, however, having routines, showing respect, using limits, following through with expectations, giving choices, defining family standards, enjoying humor and sharing love.
It means recognizing the significance of relationship above all and the early groundwork that’s necessary for creating the relationship we will want and need to have with our children when they’re teenagers.
More and more often you see and hear stories abut school children who are aggressive, disrespectful, modeling inappropriate behavior both to peers and adults. They are complaining, demanding, unhappy, rude.
Our young children are looking to us to be the adults in their life. They may push us and demand from us to see if we’ll give in, to test our firmness. But the consistency of our expectations, the strength of our family values and standards is what will offer them the security and caring they are seeking and from which character and maturity evolve.
Think about it. Offer your family a cozy pillow of your own to lean on – firm but giving.
If you would like some tips to help you develop more routines, structure or family standards, feel free to give me a call to talk or meet together, at 784-8125.
Happy New Year to one and all.