Last week talking with a group of parents, the subject turned to – what parents sometimes do just because they need to.
One mom shared a darling story of her little boy called to come to story time at the group he was with, told his caregiver, “I’ll be there – as soon as I finish my cup of coffee!” Perfect response – one his mom admitted to saying often to this little guy.
Another mom talked about her occasional “I need this” solution with her two young girls under three years. Pack them in their car seats, hand them back some cherrios and drive – an afternoon ride through the coulees – some time to think and to own.
A parent told us ” I know I need to emotionally connect with my child who is having a difficult morning – but sometimes I just want to go drink my coffee by myself instead.”
And sometimes that’s the right thing to do for everyone involved. There is a happy medium in all of our interactions with our children – a balance. Once a parent begins to feel a twinge of resentment toward a behavior or a child’s need, it often means – perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate what is actually happening.
Jean Liedloff, author of The Continuum Concept says repeated annoying behavior from a child is often that very child just begging the parent to take a stand, be the adult -“ I need you to tell me what I need to do”. She says often a child’s purpose is to get the parent to go about her own business with confidence and without seeming to ask his permission.
And the parent can do this – for her child and herself – and the emotional connection can still be strong.
Another mom I talked to at the Costume Swap shared that she was working part-time now after having been at home with her children and was pleased with this new arrangement for herself and her family. “I feel I am a better mom because I am doing what I needed.” This mom had attended The Parenting Place’s recent Mom’s Night Out this summer where we had watched, listened, sang and even danced to Pharrel Williams’ video HAPPY .
She shared that night and that song confirmed for her what she needed – wanted – and now feels more relaxed and open to her children’s and family’s needs while meeting her own.
So .. take a listen for yourself – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM –
“Clap along – If you know what happiness is to you –
“Clap along – If you feel like that’s what you want to do!
Anyone who would like some help sorting out ways to manage meeting their children’s emotional needs and that delicate balance of meeting their own also, give me a call and we can talk. The Parenting Place – 784-8125.