Sometimes do we try too hard?
As parents, we often walk on tiptoes around our children trying to be so careful with our responses to them. We practice ultra patience, empathy and understanding, perhaps to a fault – when sometimes a child’s actions may actually be begging for that final decisive moment when his parent says “enough”.
Phew! Often we find the air cleared, our child calm, settled and loving. Maybe there were tears at first, maybe a good cry. But as Dr. Laura Markham from Aha Parenting believes – tears are necessary, considered to be healthy to rid the body of the stresses that build up inside, creating the overwhelming feelings and the behaviors that accompany them.
Often parents will tell me how persistent a child’s behavior can be – no matter how many choices are given, no matter how many feelings discussed and shared, the nagging behavior goes on. That’s when we can believe and trust our child is looking to us to be the final word – to say what needs to be said – “not now”, “no thank you”, “it is time”, “I won’t let you..” to stop them with kind firmness, to let them feel the reassurance that their loving and confident parents are in charge and can keep them safe.
This is not about” might making right” or” your way or no way”. This is understanding when your child is stuck and needs your help. This is sometimes initiating and following through with the very thing your child is opposing – because you understand what he needs, what will help her.
Parenting is all about trusting our children – while also trusting ourselves.