Landing just right

Oh, it’s hard when one child seems to be the instigator in teasing and bickering with his/her siblings.

Recently it seems I’ve had several parents comment to me about this.

I like to suggest changing the frame.

Instead of noticing and remarking “how troublesome” this one child is all the time, marvel at when he is helpful or thoughtful; rather than how many things this child does wrong, think how many things she does right.

This different focus and delivery often lends itself to more positive and affirming results for this one child and all family members.

For sibling snickering and bickering is really only one side of the sibling coin. The other side is caring and genuine attachment.  By noticing the positives, we hope to flip this coin and “land just right”.

I was the youngest child of six siblings.  I’ve just spent the past four days with my oldest sibling – my brother visiting me from New York City – still checking up on his little sister after all these years.

Does he still tease me – annoy me – enjoy joking about me – make me laugh?

Actually he does.

But I’m very grateful that he’s still being there for me  – for caring  – even for teasing – and for flipping the sibling coin – and always “landing just right”.

If you are experiencing some snickering and bickering in your family, join us at The Parenting Place workshop on Monday, November 6th, from 6-8 PM for Stop the Snicker and the Bicker, Managing Fighting and Aggression.  Registration required.  Limited childcare available. Call  The Parenting Place – 784-8125.